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Posted by Dr. Beverlee
on November 18, 2002 at 10:11:32:
Subj: Ask Dr. Beverlee HI, I am 32 years old I have 2 kids; 1 boy he is 11, 1 girl she is 6, and I am a single parent. My girl’s dad is a low life, he doesn’t want to work, he is remarried and they have a 1 year old together, and she has a 3 year old by some one else, and he owes 6,000 dollars behind child support. And no one is pushing him to get a job and I am so frustrated. We don’t get along. He treated my kids and me bad when I was with him. It took me 3 years to open my eyes and get out. I’ve been away for 2 years and it feels great. I go and take computer classes and I work, but it’s hard with the kids. I’m trying to teach them right from wrong but they are at the age that they don’t what to listen. Like my little girl likes to flirt with older boys and I try to explain to her its ok to think some one is cute but that’s all. My son has an attitude problem. I could use some advice. T
Bravo! Single mother, wage earner, computer student, and many more roles are very difficult and yet, as you are discovering, also rewarding. Getting out and moving on is the act of a hero. Many women are unable to take responsibility for their life and that of their children. Now let’s look at your problem. The Yin: Because of work and school you are probably away from your children many hours. Your eleven and six year old have people in their life whose values and standards of behavior differ from your own. You have no control over other caretakers but there can be a bright side. Investigate all the outside influences including friends, family, school, and day care. Eliminate or change any situation that is destructive to your children’s development of their best self. As a responsible mother you alone are entitled to protect your young children from harm. The Yang: By and large children’s moral development is founded in the early years; that is by the age of six. Looking back on your life you may see some of the poor seeds planted then and now full grown. Behavior of your children may reflect the years of marriage with your ex-husband who you do not respect. Now the task is undoing the damage created during this earlier time. You are the key role model and you therefore need to arrange as much quality time as possible during which you give your children many experiences which reflect honesty, conscience, moral right from wrong, integrity, and compassion for others. Remember that the little green acorn doesn’t fall far from the large tree. My best regards, Dr. Beverlee
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