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Posted by Dr. Beverlee
on May 21, 2003 at 16:57:35: hi beverlee, i thought i would let you know more details. me and my husband been married for 22 yrs. never had any problems in our married sexual or any other trust problem before he cheated on me.he said that it was the biggest mistake he ever made. i want to tell you a little about this other women she was a batter women, and she drinks and pops pill alot. we found that she was using my husband to get back at her husband because he cheated on her. but my problem is that i'm afraid she will try using my husband again, but he has not seen or talk to her for 3 yrs. do you think he will cheat again. you know it seem like the cheating has brought us closer together. but i still have a fear of him cheating again. can you help me. sometimes i want to confront her and tell her how she has hurt my family. beverlee what should i do. i love my husband very much. can you please e-mail me of the evening please. because he get's very upset when i talk to someone else about this. thank you very much. Dear L: Infidelity is always an issue that greatly shakes up a marriage. Your pain is understandable since you felt betrayed and threatened at the deepest level. A different way to look at this three year old event is that it gave you and your husband an opportunity to examine your relationship, check out what was and was not working, and find a happier, healthier commitment to each other. From your letter your marriage did become stronger and is now 22 years solidly in place. Let us look at the problems and questions of future betrayal. The Yin: Nothing will be accomplished by contacting the drug addict. She is totally unimportant in your present life. That part of your husband’s past is over since he has expressed responsibility and regret for his behavior. He has made efforts to help you trust him. Accept the fact that he has been punished for the crime and everyone needs to move on. His intentions for three years indicate he will not replay any unfaithful behavior. If you continue to shut off your loving and sexual feelings, you punish yourself as much as him. Give up the old ghost before new ones haunt the relationship. The Yang: You love your family and you love your husband. You want an intimate sexual relationship. Bookstores and libraries will have a number of books to help you awaken your marital intimacy. Lonnie Barback has an excellent book for couples as well as one on women’s sexuality. One step at a time will bring you to a happier place. Take that step now. |