Best Friend Becoming Lover

From: "B C"
Subject: Dear Dr. Beverlee
To: awomansjourney@aol.com

Dear Dr. Beverlee,

My friend and I have been best friend for years. We both been through different relationships, bad ones to be exact. I had left the city of my childhood and lived some where else for some years but we never lost contact. I called him when I found out I was pregnant
and he was very supportive. When I returned to the city of my childhood we reconnected. I did not see much of him because he had a girlfriend at the time.

But now he has no girlfriend and I have no
boyfriend. And we have been spending a tremendous amout of time together. And it sounds like he want to take our relationship to another level. But I am skeptical because if it does not work I don't want to lose my friend. What do you think?
In Love with my friend

Dear B:

What a golden opportunity you have. There is no better place to begin a romantic, committed relationship than with a trustworthy, supportive friend. He is someone who knows who you are at a deeper level just as you know him. Both of you have accepted the other, warts and all.

The Yin: You fear losing a friendship if your changed relationship does not work. All of life is risk and of course becoming intimate creates risk. When we risk we take a leap of faith. We do not always know what is at the other side, but if we refuse to step on new ground, our life can become a continual journey of regret and loss. Understand that you are risking even if you just maintain your present friendship. Either of you could fall in love with another person, marry, and discover that the mate will not accept you or him retaining the old friendship.

The Yang: It is of utmost importance to talk about your relationship and to set ground rules. Some possible rules to check out and topics of discussion:
· An agreement to be monogamous or not
· How and when you will live together
· A long look at finances, values, relating to each other’s family, needs, expectations, parenting, responsibilities, work, recreation, etc.
· Future plans such as marriage/no marriage, children/no children
· What are the personal goals of each partner, and what are the goals for the relationship. Are they compatible?

Best of luck and feel free to write again,
Dr. Beverlee
Author, The Day the Music Stopped, re-enchantment of our lost spirit
www.selfdiscoveryofspirit.com