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Posted by Dr. Beverlee
on May 21, 2003 at 17:38:14:
--- K
What keeps us from loving wholly and completely more than one person is the energy it takes to maintain these relationships. If we are honest, most of us could find two or more love relationships that would satisfy our major needs for love and companionship. When we make a commitment to marriage we are essentially saying no to other possibilities that will always cross our path. It must be difficult and tiring attempting to keep both men happy. Your lover who hangs on for years is unable to complete his own life, and like you may struggle with conflict and guilt. The Yin: Since you are responsible for your own life it is you who must move one. Buying a home is a way of saying this relationship with your husband is permanent. You wish to make a richer life with your husband and that will be possible when you center your life on him and yourself. Running back and forth does not allow any person in this triangle to enjoy a full life. There are firm messages that you can give your lover for him to understand that the relationship is over. Life is a series of tradeoffs. Take the steps to truly end the unwanted relationship and over time your marriage will rewarded with a richer, deeper essence if you create it. The Yang: The greedy child who cannot make a choice and wants it all often gets a huge stomachache. However, there are “open marriages” in which both partners permissively and openly have intimate relationships with others. Though some of them work, most end in divorce. From your letter I gather this is not the case. If you were to continue this deception, you risk losing the mate you love and the life you enjoy. The damage could be irrevocable. Sincerely,
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