Pained by Rejection

From: i p g
Subject: how do I stop being bossy
Date: Jul 2003

I've recently become aware that some of my coworkers, peers, friends and family have the perception that I am bossy. I wasn't sure what that means, so I looked up the definition on the Internet in several dictionaries. I don't like what it says and I want to change if I can. The problem is that I really don't know what I do that makes folks feel that way. I do know that I'm not very popular and don't have a large number of friends. Seldom do any of my coworkers ask me to go to lunch with them and few seek out my companionship socially. I reckon there must be some merit in the 'bossy' comments. How do I change? Can you recommend some resources or materials? I'd appreciate any suggestions.

Sincerely,
D W

Dear Pained by Rejection:

One of the important parts of being “bossy” is the need for control. Most competent people exercise some control in matters important to them. If we try to control everything and everyone then people think us as “bossy” and shy away.

No one enjoys being micromanaged or told what to do. If your manner interacting with others is at all aggressive, then the response will be even more severe in rejecting you as a friend, family peer, or co-worker. There are many reasons why we develop a need to control our environment – insecurity, anxiety, lack of self worth, etc. you can find answers by committing yourself to some counseling or therapy, either individual or group.

Being more aware of your behavior allows you to make changes. First awareness, then action. There are many books in the library and stores about related topics. Look for books on being self-assertive, self-esteem, control, and many titles about boss, bossy, managerial skills and styles. Change is always possible, and you have taken the first important step by becoming more aware of who you are.

Good luck,
Dr. Beverlee
Author, The Day the Music Stopped, re-enchantment of our lost spirit
www.selfdiscoveryofspirit.com or my email address: beverleesee4ever@aol.com