Poor Choices, Irresponsible Mates

Subject: Are we meant to be together?
Date: Oct 2003
From: "CR”
To: askdrbeverlee@yahoo.com

Dear Dr Beverlee, I have a question for you: I have a boyfriend now for the past 2 years and 7 months. His name is xxxx and he is born xxth of A 1972 and my name is yyyy (my nickname) and I'm born on the xxth of J 1974. I'm very unhappy at this stage in our relationship, as it seems to be going nowhere. In the past 2 years and 7 months he only once told me that he loves me and never again. Our sex live has also drop dramatically and I feel as though I'm mean nothing to him. I feel like he pushing me aside. We don't talk about our problems. If I want to talk to him about something that is troubling me we end up fighting about it and He also says that he doesn't want to talk to me regarding our problems because "I am Philosophical" if I want to talk. I don't know how he can think that way as I only say something in the line of: " I really want to talk to you about something that troubles me, please can we talk?” then he says no and walks away. The other thing is that he hasn't proposed to me jet but he keeps on talking about us in the future, for instance: " we have to try and get a place of our own..." (We are currently living with he parents.) Or " lets buy a TV "..... and the list goes on. I don't know what to do anymore as it feels as though I am the only contributing party in our relationship. I've got this very aching feeling in my hart if I just think of leaving him. We have a beautiful little baby girl and I don't think I can rise her by my self as I have raised 2 two children on my own because the fathers bailed on me with also contributes to the pain and sadness as I feel that men only uses me and then leaves me and I am very afraid that it will happen again. Please can you give me some advice? Thank you C

Dear C:

It has happened again! Your mate does not support you, does not demonstrate love or caring. Somewhere in your years of growing up you did not develop a sense of your own worth. There is a lack of understanding that a partner means two people taking responsibility for their own lives and responsibility for helping the mate live with more comfort and happiness.

The Yin: It helps to have a proposal of marriage before the babies are conceived. For the third time it appears you are struggling with the same scenario and will once again need to face raising a child alone. Take some steps to change the direction, in fact the road you travel. Work on your own security, that is, emotional, mental, and financial. You cannot control your boyfriend’s behavior, his obvious lack of commitment. What you can do for yourself and the children is to find your own life. Gather support from any resources available to you – agencies, family, friends, etc. I believe to change major directions in our personal life we may need counseling support. Check your area for affordable programs. Only you can find a new road to travel where you and your children are not abandoned.

The Yang: There is no Yang! You will raise 3 children as a single parent since no responsible father exists. The question is, “can you be the responsible mother?” For the children’s well being you have no other choice. Being responsible means that you also must be responsible for the way you live, the men you attract, and those men with whom you develop a relationship. Only you, with help from sources above, can stop being the “doormat for men” and develop into a stronger person and mother.