Dog Gone ----- It!

From: "G”
To: askdrbeverlee@yahoo.com
Subject: help
Date: Jan 2004

Dear Dr. Beverlee,
Before Christmas we were asked to "dog" sit for good friends of ours. They told us that we could just put their dog in the fence with our dog and he would be fine. Well, that's what we did. Our dog is a lab and they have a Chihuahua. We put the dogs in the fence and went out. While we were out our friends returned home and said they would go by and pick up their dog. Later we received a phone call from them saying that their dog was not in the fence! We panicked! What could have happened! We raced home. By the time we got there they had found out from our neighbors that their dog had gotten out and been ran over! The dog was at the vet and they could call the next day to get him. We were so sorry that it had happened! We could not believe it! To make a long story short, we offered to pay ˝ of the vet bill as a friend to help them out. They were upset and thought we should pay the whole bill. We could not do this and did not feel responsible seeing how we did as they instructed by giving their dog the same care as our own. They said they wanted us to pay because we felt responsible not because we wanted to as friends. This caused an argument between us and now our friendship has ended. The dog is doing well, he is now running around again. What do you think should have been done? Do you think we were responsible for their dog jumping the fence and escaping?
Sincerely,
Dog gone

Dear Dog Gone:

How can simple acts of kindness become so painful? In this situation it is expecting something and accepting nothing. Your friends expected you to assume all the responsibility for their dog’s accident. You, on the other hand, failed see (or at least in the way you wrote our letter) any responsibility and believed you were generous in offering part payment. I believe your offer to pay half was most fair, but a different issue still exists. Do we have any responsibility for an outcome when we agree to take care of a thing, a dog, a person, etc? My answer is, “Yes”. When we provide our home environment it requires us to give extra attention to the safety of the, in this case, dog. Leaving the dogs unattended was a poor idea because even dogs who are friends can still fight, panic, destroy property, or run away. Both parties are fortunate the dog did not die. (I’m a lifetime dog owner and love them dearly). Both couples entered an arrangement, and both had some responsibility for its failure. Having said this, I will also say accidents happen even with the best of care - no fault and no blame.

The Yin: Rethink the situation and meet with your friends and sit in each other’s chair. Talk about the risks of the arrangement whether dogs are indoors or outside. If each of you can accept some poor decision making then the friendship may be restored. Taking a stand on principle is admirable, but both sides must expand their views to include the concepts of risk and potential harm or accidental accidents.

The Yang: Your friends were unable to accept your vet bill offer because they did not want to acknowledge their responsibility for the decision. They need to blame someone! Perhaps they have some hidden guilt about this. Let the friendship go, but doggone it, leave the dog sitting to another person next time.

Feel free to write again.
Best Regards,
Dr. Beverlee, author of The Day the Music Stopped, re-enchantment of our lost spirit
www.selfdiscoveryofspirit.com