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Posted by Dr. Beverlee
on April 04, 2004 at 13:10:56:
Ask Dr. Beverlee
Date: 3/2004
From: d
To: beverlee@selfdiscoveryofspirit.com
In love with a friend, ex wants me back?
I divorced my husband of 14 years a year ago and moved away, we tried to get back together , with out any luck and have been split up for a couple of months, he now wants me back again. The reason I left him in the first place was because I felt like he did not love me, I have since the divorce finially gotten through to him why I divorced him, and I really feel like he understands what the problems were. He wants to become more attentive and etc. besides our sex life was always fantastic.
In the mean time, we have both seen other people, he met a gal that he always thought was what he wanted, but he can't stop thinking about me, he said he cannot have an orgazm with her, I on the other hand started dating a long time friend that I have always been attracted to, best friends, he is having trouble in the bedroom with me because he thinks we are to good of friends, but I have really fallen for him, and still love my ex at the same time, what do I do?????? Dear Lover of 2: Unfinished business in your marriage is an unstable ground for creating a new, healthy, and lasting relationship. The Yin: Since you indicate both you and your ex have feelings for each other and may still love one another you can set some ground rules for a last attempt at reconciliation. Both spouses will agree to not see or speak with the new partners. Other rules to mutually agree upon relate to:
how you will be together,
how much time - daily, weekly,
where,
how long an effort will be made,
will counseling be involved, etc? Each of you during a meeting will contribute to the ground rules necessary for a successful attempt. The Yang: If all relationships are carried on at the same time then chaos and confusion will reign. It is likely that your x is not able to be fully sexual with his new partner because his emotions are not free to love another woman. Something is amiss between you and your “best friend” or he also would be capable of a sexual relationship with you. If you finally do end all attachment to your ex spouse then this other effort with your “best friend” will have breathing room to grow one way or another. At this time my guess is that he is fearful to let go and finally love you since he is unsure of your heart’s desire just as you are unsure. So follow one road at a time. Feel free to write again.
Best Regards,
Dr. Beverlee, author of The Day the Music Stopped, re-enchantment of our lost spirit
www.selfdiscoveryofspirit.com
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