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Posted by Dr. Beverlee
on June 13, 2004 at 11:50:11:
From: "S B"
People believe that they can change someone and that is a fatal mistake entering into a marriage. You are under attack and it will only escalate if the problem is not resolved. Your boyfriend’s jealousy and insecurity raises a very serious issue - a red flag if you will. There is no way, without more information, to know what has created this level of insecure reaction though what I can say is that your boyfriend needs counseling guidance and a better understanding of his “too strong” feelings. My belief is that this is not a new problem and it has surfaced in other ways in the past. The Yin: Deciding to marry after 6 months of dating is like swimming across a lake with one swimming lesson and hands tied. It is far too little time together to accomplish your goal of marrying happily. You are fortunate by having had the opportunity of spending significant close time together to see the insecurity of your boyfriend. Even if he completely accepted your personality and style, you would need time to discover all you need to know about each other and how you fit together. Two people can be marvelous human beings and have a terrible fit. The Yang: S, you have every right to your unique personality and I have no doubt that your taste in excellent. You cannot compromise and thereby make him happy. He will not be happy no matter what you do because he will continually want something else, and then another thing, and then another thing. Of course, none of this will make him more secure in his relationship with you or anyone! His core self lacks confidence and a belief in his own right to be loved.. His insecurity is acted out in a very controlling manner. If he trusted his self-worth he would not worry about how other men find you attractive. Think about letting go of this one, unless your boyfriend makes a major change. You must be you - and that is, and always will be the best that you can be. Feel free to write again.
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