Choices - Army or College

From: sb
Date: Jul 2004
Subject: Urgent Decision to make

Dear Dr. Beverlee Zell,
I leave in one week for the United States Army Basic Training. The thing is that I can still get out of it. I didn’t want to at first. I thought it was the answer to all my problems. But now I’ve met the perfect guy. A person I’ve spent forever looking for and I had a 3.9 GPA is school so I know I could go to college. I could get a good job working with kids with which I have much experience already. But I'm scared if I stay that I'll turn out depending on some man to take care of me and that scares me more than getting shot in Iraq but Id lose so much if I left. For example, my five year old brother starts kindergarten this year and my friends are getting married. Its not going to Iraq that scares me really its I don’t want to make a bad decision and screw up my life. Everyone has different views about me going to the Army. Some say if I do I’ll never want for anything and others say ill regret it. I know I can go to school but is that a good choice? I've tried talking to everyone in my family and all my friends but they all have biased opinions because some of them have been in the army and others really want me to stay with them because most of them rely on me for a lot of things. I want an independent life for myself but im lost on what would be best. Sorry this message is so long. I really hope you can help.
Sincerely,
G.I. Jane,

Dear GI Jane:

A meaningful and joy filled life is all about the choices we make. Whatever we choose to do must come from our own heart and mind, and that requires us to search within for our answers. Most important decisions have pros and cons as well as trade-offs when we compare them. In order to hear your own voice let go of all the other outside advisors. When you are free of the noise, your own feelings and thoughts will become clearer.

The Yin: Being in a good relationship is not the same as being totally dependent on a boyfriend, husband, etc. You can maintain your own life, make choices about work, college, etc and at the same time be an excellent partner with a mate. Your independent spirit can create an excellent relationship with another mature person.

Use your talents. A 3.9 GPA is wonderful so think twice about throwing away a college opportunity even if you have to work part-time. College represents an opportunity to greatly enrich your life and to open many doors you have not yet explored. The people you meet will have similar goals and talents and some will become life-long companions. Its hard to define the changes in your life when you have a college education, but they are valuable beyond just career opportunities.

The Yan: People who rely on you more than they should will always exist. It is you who makes clear to them what you want to do and what is not your job or responsibility. Don’t run away to Iraq to limit these demands. Stay here doing what is best for you. You are entitled to a life that brings you joy and fulfills your own goals. Take a day or two and think about what it is that you want! Write down all your thoughts and feelings, everything that matters to you. The road you should travel will become much clearer. Then, I urge you to go for it!

Feel free to write again.
Best Regards,
Dr. Beverlee, author of The Day the Music Stopped, re-enchantment of our lost spirit
www.selfdiscoveryofspirit.com